Sunday, November 13, 2005


Its been 2 yrs..




time flies.. 2 rs have passed..

13 Nov 2003 is a date tat i will nv ever forget.. cos tat is the day i broke off wif ivan..

since then, i've been living wif regrets.. all the 'wat if's i nv broke up wif him' keep occurring in my mind.. but it all remains as history which can nv be brought back..

corine once quote in her msn 'I knew looking bac at the tears will make me laugh but I nv knew looking back at the laughters will make me cry.' i stop to tink. onli to realise how true it is..

its no doubt we haf numerous quarrels, arguments n disagreements.. but its oso no doubt tat we had plenty of laughters, smiles, joy, happiness, etc etc..

i was young n naive bac then.. i wasnt even 18.. there r alot of things which i dun understand n i dun appreciate the things he did for me.. all i tot was 'even my parents doesn control me.. they gif me all the freedom i wan n need.. so why is my bf controlling n restricting me in the things i wana do?'

im jus such a typical Saggitarius.. A freedom seeker who cant be restricted..

those were the tots i had n tats wad it killed me..

now tat 3 yrs haf passed, my thinking haf changed n its onli till now tat i've lost him den i realise tat i've lost a treasure..

i still miss him everyday n he's constantly on my mind.. n i'm always tinking wad is he doin at tis moment?

if he doesn care for me, he wldn haf controlled me.. He controlled me cos he fear tat i will turn bad.. which i tink its true.. without him, i wldn knw wad i will be like today..

i wish he's still here for me.. to share my sorrows n joys.. be der to guide me along.. of wad is rite n wrong..

but y does it jus remains as a wish?

if i could turn back time, i will never break up with him...

as i write tis, all the memories jus keeps flowing bac in my mind.. of all the places tat we've been to.. all the rags n riches.. all the smiles n tears.. all the secret actions n words which onli belongs to both of us.. jus all the things.. is enuff to make my tears drop..

if i wasnt tat stubborn n haf stop to reali tink if a breakup is the best thing for us, we wld b preparing for marriage nw..

why?

why did things turn out as wad it is today?

there's onli 1 person to blame n tat is myself..

til nw, there is no other guy who can make me feel the same way as i had wif ivan.. he's the onli guy who love me whole-heartedly n care for me sincerely..

we lived in a world of our own.. a world tat onli belongs to both of us.. a world which others will find it hard to penetrate in.. a world tat is tagged as Ours..

even thou the period of time we had together is nt very long.. he will always be someone close to my heart forever.. its onli thru him den i know wad is love..

when other ppl tell me they love me.. i dun believe.. they may think they love me but i dun tink they knw wad is love..

love is not sth tat can be jus said out of ur mouth.. its sth in the heart..

in my 21 yrs of life.. i can strongly say tat the person i love is onli ivan.. till then, no1 will be able to replace the standing he has in my heart..

althou we haf broke up but i believe the strong bond of us still remains.. i may haf disappointed him n make him sad.. but i believe he will feel the same way as i do..

even thou we can no longer be together anim but the times we had together will always remain in both of our hearts n memories..

++ 12 more days to my 21st bday ++

I wished he's still here to celebrate my bday for me.. we were waiting for my 21st bday to come cos tats the day i'll get my key.. n we'll be able to get married..

Ivan & Amanda

13/06/02 to 13/11/03

he's the onli guy whom i will say tat i love him now n forever..


5:07 PM


aManDa