Monday, August 08, 2005


Shld i get married?




tats the qns stuck in my mind now. yes, sm1 did ask me to marry him n im stil tinkg.

i was on the phone wif him jus nw n we talk abt tis topic. he told me 4mths later which is either dec or jan, we'll go R.O.M.. n he ask me wat kinda diamond ring i prefer den he'll go look for it one of these days.. aft marriage, i cant club.. so no more ladies nite for me!! =( prob can onli club once in a while but no longer every wed, fri, sat.. but when he go out drinkin, he'll definitely bring me along but wil onli go to pubs n not clubs.. all bcos of the bad experience he had wif his ex-gf when she went out clubbg..

wth.. how can i live w/o booze n dance?!?!

when i told him im tinkg of joinin the wine industry n tat will means late nites of wrkg even thou i dun go clubbg den he tell me tat he rather i dun work n we haf a baby n i jus stay at hm look aft can liao.. if aft giving birth i bcm fat den he'll sponsor me go slimming.. haiz.. isn't tat every gal's dream? no need to work, jus get married n stay at hm look aft baby.. gets sponsored to go slimming aft childbirth.. free den go out shoppin, high tea wif gal frens etc.. typical tai tai lifestyle..

but i duno y, i wasn't reali happy abt it.. althou i always say i wana be tai tai but when things reali come, i dun wana b 1.. i wan a career of my own.. i wan my own spending power.. i dun wana depend on man.. i wana live the way i wan it to b..

gosh...!!~~ m i crazy? nw i can b tai tai but im nt reali tat excited n keen abt it.. wat m i tinkg?!?!

i feel tat he's the typical kinda possessive mcp.. yes, i've been thru a rs wif a mcp n i knw wat its like.. restricted in doin alot of things n i din lik it.. but aft i broke off wif tat guy.. i felt regrets.. he controls me cos he cares!! althou the next guy i met doesn controls me n gave me the absolute freedom, sometimes i reali felt tat he doesn bothers abt me at all..

i've been cheated by the same guy twice n he's coming bac to look for me again n i reali dun wish to get hurt n cheated again for the third time.. he always tell me ppl do change but how r we supposed to knw if sm1 has reali change? there's a sayin goes.. 'a leopard wil nv change its spots' so has he reali change? i dunno.. im tired.. im reali emotionally wornout.. its miserable to be always guessing tis n tat.. i dunno which is right n wat is wrong..

maybe i shld reali jus settled down n get married n stop all tis bgr nonsense.. aftall, i guess i had enuff of partyin.. started since the age of 15 til nw.. used to borrow ic fr sis or frens to go club..if nt i'll jus wear more matured so as to escape thru the eyes of the bouncers.. by all means n ways, i make sure i nv got rejected into any clubs when i was underaged..

nw tat im of the legal age, i no longer sees clubbg as fun.. its always the same old thingy.. get into the club, drink, play 5-10, tok cock wif frens, pr wif ppl, say hi den bye to some, jio ppl bottoms up or half, gets high den dance den go hm.. so routine.. its jus the same thing different day wif different frens..

he is right.. i've been clubbg for so long y do i stil wana club aft i get married? haiz~~ i oso dunno.. yes, he indeed can provide for me but i reali dunno if i can entrust my life n commit to him.. he doesn wans a wedding dinner so as to save cost n trouble.. cos wedding dinner is indeed a hassle as there's so many things to look into.. he rather take a gd wedding photos portfolio den go for a long honeymoon..

but i've always wanted to haf a wedding dinner so as to share my joy wif frens n relatives.. haiz~~ i reali dunno wad i wan now.. i reali dunno if tis the right guy for me anot.. we nv started on anyth.. i jus knw how he feels towards me all tis while den suddenly he ask me if i wana settle down wif him.. it is indeed gonna be a thunder marriage..

i onli told a few of my gal frens n they were shocked.. initially i tot he was jus jokin wif me but jus now he told me he's not.. he has alrdy told most of his frens n even his family.. his dad was glad tat he finali wana settle down.. sm were supportive of his idea while sm were not n ask if he's crazy.. but i guess its bcos of his age.. he's 27 tis yr so its reali time for him to settle down..

yah.. another factor im considerin is he's 6yrs older than me.. kit's mother in law once told me tat its not gd for a couple to haf age difference of 3-6-9 cos will haf lotsa conflicts n quarrels..

argh~~!!! im lost.. im reali in a confused state of mind now.. wil sm1 pls gif me sm advice on wad to do?


2:32 AM


aManDa